Paciencia ...

... (be patient) is what I always say to my friends when they are down. This was not my own philosophy, it was given to me long time ago and, believe me,  I did need it. The problem is that when you are not ok you don't want to wait, you want things change fast. Unfortunately, things take time to change.

It came to my mind because during my current project, uniforms, I was shocked twice while taking photos. I asked everybody the same two questions, what are the three words that best describe them and what is their dream. The reason I did so is just to have something to talk about during the photo session. I don't like people to feel interrogated - it is uncomfortable enough for them to stand in front of the camera let alone to have to answer personal questions as well - so, I give them something back. I like to think that at the end of the session they leave with the feeling of having had a nice chat instead of have just been in a photo shoot.

It was sad hearing that two of the people whose photos I took had no dream. The first time I couldn't believe what I heard. I didn't want to hear it. For me, not having a dream is as being dead. No dream, no motivation. What is the point of carry on living if you have nothing to pursue in life?

I didn't ask them what had put them in such negative situation but I guess that in, at least, one case the reason is a broken heart. So, the problem isn't not having a dream but not accepting that a certain dream is not possible to achieve. Yes, it happens. Sometimes goals are not achievable and it can be hard and frustrating to accept this. In that case I would give them the second piece of advice that was given to me twelve years ago by my friend Maripi: things happen because they have to. Of course, it has to be read in a positive way, I mean, if you cannot get something now is because there is something else better waiting for you out there.

Now, I have to put into practice both pieces of advice because I'm not sure if this project is achievable as there is a legal issue I hadn't considered. I have to find out if it makes sense to carry on working on it or if I have to put all my photos in a drawer and start thinking about a new project - the one I talked about in the last entry, perhaps? If so, I've learnt I'm able to work in the studio in an acceptable way, something I had avoided until now for a serious project - I felt more confident with composition than with people expressions. However, for the uniforms project I got some good ones, as the one showed.

It's frustrating to have had an idea and not being able to work on it as much as you wanted. Parking the uniforms project would also mean that I have to start again from sketches to build up my portfolio. Once more. So, ... paciencia.

the second half ...

is the title of a potential photographic project.

For me, life lasts eighty years or at least that's the way I've always seen it. A couple of days ago I celebrated my thirty-ninth birthday, which means that I'm about to reach the halfway mark. I thought of this project to avoid having a psychological barrier to sort out next year.

The project itself would consist of a set of portraits of people over the age of forty who are, at a personal level, admirable. For instance, I would like to take the portrait of my grandmother because she delivered eleven children to this world and nowadays parents rarely go for more than one or two children. In my case none. It's simply that I don't find the right time for that, there is always an excuse not to become a father.

I would include, as well, some of those people that still run marathons over the age of sixty or my friend's next door neighbor, who still pilots light aircrafts despite of having exceeded the imaginary limit of eighty years old.

They say everybody needs icons, people to look at and feel which, in some way, they can identify with I'm not sure if I have enough of those references. I don't support any football team, in fact, I don't know a single thing about football, so, I can't look for idols in that field. On top of that, today's Fernando Alonso or the tennis player Nadal are not as strong references as the cyclist Miguel Indurain was, how long ago? fifteen years? In any case, those - sport players, celebrities, politicians or singers - aren't the kind of icons I'd like to portray so I will try to find my own ones, people as close to me as possible, just in case I need them next year.

boundaries to be defined

Last summer I started a personal project. I went on holiday with my family and with the intention of portraying them. It was the right moment as we all met together abroad for first time after my father's death. So, I loaded my bag with my digital SLR for those holiday photos and my 35mm film camera to point at my family members.

For a while I thought of not doing it as one of my sisters wasn't able to come with us. However, I decided to carry on with the project as I realized that if I wanted to make an accurate portrait of my family I needed much more than a week's holiday and I should extend it for a longer period of time (many years?).

In some way it's a normal family. It has good moments to enjoy and bad ones to deal with. It's in one of those bad moments that I lost the chance of doing something personal and intense when my father passed away. It came to mind to take the photo of him in the coffin and some still-life to capture some of his belongings and his environment at home. I wasn't brave enough, though. I couldn't take that photo of him and, therefore, I didn't take any of the still-life ones.

For my project I've done some research. For instance, I like the way Annie Leibovitz approached her own family. She showed Susan Sontag and her own mother in a very respectful way, far away from the Richard Billingham's approach of his parents. He says they are happy with their son's photos, however, I wouldn't be able to show my family in that way. My project is not likely to be as extensive as the Ana Casas Broda's one but, who knows?, time will tell.

In my family there is an element which would be of Diane Arbus' interest. It's my sister's disability. I couldn't say I'm proud of her disability because it's something you cannot be proud of but I'm not ashamed of it. I just accept it. So, I don't have any problem in showing her in my photos, nevertheless, it doesn't mean she doesn't deserve the same respect that everybody else does. I don't feel I'm exploiting her disability and I wouldn't base the whole project on her as there are so many other subjects and relationships to cover. However, she's my main concern.